A Day With The Volturi
by StevenTyler
Summary: When Bella Swan went to Voltura to rescue Edward, it was a good thing that she did not have many preconceived notions about the Kings. Oneshot


**Disclaimer: Do not own, do not want. This is just for fun.**

Bella's breathe stopped as they headed towards the throne room. Edward still kept his iron grip on her wrist, as if she would disappear if he let go. Mentally Bella scoffed, glad that he couldn't read her mind 'I cannot believe that he runs away for months on a flimsy, at best, excuse, leaves me a zombie, and thinks that I would run away!. I would probably get killed if I tried anyways.'

The petite blonde in front of them twisted the gold embossed handle and opened the heavy mahogany door with a flick of her delicate wrist. "Enter" The red eyed vampire intoned. The behemoth planks of wood started to close before the group had a chance to move forward and the girl held the open with a finger, glaring at it as if the door trying to close was a personal insult. Before opening them fully for the second time, she faced Alice, the only person in the room at her low height. "You stay here. The Kings only wish to speak with the mind reader and the mortal." Alice made to protest but was stopped by one of the larger guards.

Finally she tossed the doors open, slamming against the wall before falling back on their hinges. We were escorted into the room and the click of the door was unmistakable for anything but having been locked. Bella's startled eyes raced over the room, just barely taking in the elaborate details and paintings, coming to rest on the thrones on a raised platform in the center of the hall.

Two vampires were lounging in their respective throne, with one standing right beside it. The middle one who would have appeared to be the leader was engrossed in a bakery cookbook while nervously noshing on a plastic straw. He had a hundred pack sitting beside him on his throne and every few minutes would exchange the shredded straw for a new one. The one on the left had blonde hair that was currently being braided faster than Bella's eyes could take in, while laying out cloth on a manikin. He occasionally would speak into his Bluetooth, something about the Paris line. On the rightmost throne was possibly the most out of place. Empty pizza boxes littered the floor around the 'throne'. Instead of the hard backed large seats like the other two, it seemed to be more of an overstuffed recliner with gaming speakers built in. the vampire sitting atop it had on a skull beanie and skeleton sweatshirt. He was furiously dealing out commands into a headset while operating two controllers at once. The flat screen televisions that were set up in front of him were flashing and appeared to be halo and Skyrim going on at once.

Bella's mind was working hard, as _This_ was definitely **not **what she expected of the feared vampire kings. Currently the only thing making its way through her shocked state was, 'I thought vampires couldn't eat pizzas?'. The petite girl coughed lightly, trying to gain the vampires' attention. Failing that, she took out a paint gun and shot them down. THAT got their attention. And with Bella's luck, they all focused on her.

In unison all three breathed out, "A Human". Blondie's eyes lit up with unholy glee as he started attacking her with a measuring tape. The leader got a stupid grin on his face as he bolted to the kitchen, recipe book tightly clenched under his arm. Beanie-boy continued to get re-immersed in his game but also managed to pull a spare Xbox from Hammer space and program it at the same time.

Edward snapped out of his daze and protested, "You cannot take her! She's mine!" Blondie released Bella for a minute. In slow, restrained movements, he set down the bolt of fabric and plastic box of pins. He turned on his heel and faced Edward. Fluidly he placed his hand on his hip and used his other to point at the unlucky sparkle-pire. "Listen copper, I may have ignored your fashion faux-pas, I even turned the other cheek at your hideous hair! But when you interrupt my playtime, especially when I'm in the middle of a masterpiece, is where you cross the line! This girl is a walking fashion disaster, and as self-appointed fashion police, I cannot allow it to continue any longer!" The verbal attack wiped out Edward's remaining life points and he dropped to the floor defeated. Blondie's pout lifted and he clapped his hands together, re-picking up his tools and spinning to face Bella again, "Now that he's taken care of, I can continue to work on you! Yays!" At the sound of his squealing Bella's look of horror depended. As if condemning herself to her fate, she straightened up and put on a determined face. 'Well if I go along with it we will be done all the sooner… hopefully'.

When Chief Swan paused in his mission to make the baseball players follow his instructions, because surely they would have won if they had, the doorbell went off, meaning either the pizza man was here, someone was visiting, or the apocalypse had started. His daughter loaded down with dresses, boxes of cakes and other delights, and a suitcase full of game systems, however, was not at all what he had in mind. It didn't help that everything was coated with glitter. That Chief Swan was allergic to.


End file.
